Cyber Teddies Unite!

Are you looking to join the revolution? You've come to the right place. Teddy Bear Holding a Freaking Machine Gun is a fast-paced, chaotic tabletop roleplaying game where players become cybernetic teddies fighting against a dystopian capitalist apocalypse. This hilarious 3-page zine is designed for quick one-shots and late-night gaming sessions, blending absurd humor, unique mechanics, and explosive gameplay.

Set in a world where humanity’s consciousness has been uploaded into teddy bear bodies, the peak of capitalist absurdity, these fluffy warriors are done playing nice and ready to fight back. Use the Missions Table to create dynamic operations for your crew on the fly. Will you be hired to heist a billionaire’s stash guns blazing or act as enforcers for a local fluffy gang delivering a violent message?

Create your own unique teddy with the game’s random tables! Whether you roll up a battle-scarred war zebra that says “I love you” when hugged or a sneaky turtle-bot that doubles as a Wi-Fi hot spot, the tables ensure no two characters are the same. Let luck shape everything from your teddy’s appearance to its quirks, making each character as distinctive as the chaos they bring to the table.

Each weapon features unique dice manipulation mechanics, adding variety and unpredictability to combat. Shoot for pairs with pistols, ignite fiery sequences with flamethrowers, or unleash explosive chaos with bazookas. These dynamic rules blend strategy and absurdity, ensuring gameplay stays fresh and engaging.

Perfect for gamers of all experience levels, Teddy Bear Holding a Freaking Machine Gun combines humor and satire with easy-to-learn mechanics that deliver laugh-out-loud moments. Whether you’re a veteran role-player or new to TTRPGs, this game promises serious fun in a bite-sized package.